Right then. We need to finalise arrangements for the weekend. I've been doing absolutely EVERYTHING as usual.

Ghislaine you're the best. I always tell people, I say 'I know the most incredible woman, she makes things happen.' Ask anyone.

Yes well flattery won't get the catering sorted, Jeffrey. I need headcounts.

Hello both. Quick question - what's the dress code? Mummy always says one must dress appropriately for the climate.

Andrew my friend! It's a private island. Dress code is... relaxed. Very relaxed. That's the whole point of the island.

Splendid. I'll bring my naval dress whites just in case. And my Pizza Express loyalty card for the journey.

Andrew darling, there is no Pizza Express on the island. Or indeed within 1,200 nautical miles.

No Pizza Express? How does one establish an alibi then?

Alibi? Andrew buddy, you don't need an alibi. Nothing happens on my island that anyone would ever need to worry about. It's just friends being friends.

Jeffrey is quite right. It's a perfectly innocent gathering of well-connected individuals on a private island with no mobile reception. Completely normal.

One concern - it will be quite warm, yes? Only I have this condition where I cannot sweat. Medical. From the Falklands.

You've mentioned the sweating thing before, Andrew. Several times. At every gathering, in fact.

It's a very serious condition, Ghislaine. I was shot at in the Falklands and my body simply shut down the sweat glands. Completely verifiable. Probably.

Andrew I've seen you sweat through a linen shirt in 45 minutes but sure buddy, whatever works for the narrative.

That was condensation.

ANYWAY. Back to logistics. The boat arrives at 11am. I've arranged staff. Jeffrey, the temple on the hill - are we using it this time?

The temple? That's just a gym. A music room. A place for quiet reflection. Definitely not weird at all.

Is it a temple to God? Mummy is Head of the Church of England, so I'd need to check the denomination.

It's a temple to Jeffrey's ego, darling. So rather non-denominational.

Hey that's not fair. It's a temple to knowledge. And networking. I'm a collector of people, Ghislaine, you know that.

Yes, Jeffrey. We're all very aware of your 'collecting' habits.

Will there be other royalty present? I outrank most people but it's awkward when there's confusion over who enters a room first.

No other royalty. Some hedge fund guys. A couple senators. A Nobel laureate. The usual crowd. Everyone knows everyone, that's what I do - I connect people.

And on the topic of photography - absolutely NO photos, as always. I cannot stress this enough.

Understood. Though I did have a lovely photo taken last time with a young woman. Very innocent. Just an arm around the waist. Nothing to worry about whatsoever.

ANDREW. What did I JUST say about photographs?

Wait, which photo? Andrew, please tell me you didn't let someone take a photo of you with your arm around someone at my place.

Oh do calm down, both of you. Who would ever see it? It's not as though it will end up on the front page of every newspaper in the world.

I need a drink.

Great news - the island bar is fully stocked. I know the best suppliers. I know everybody. See you both Saturday.