Andrew's interview is starting on BBC. Everyone tune in. I have a terrible feeling about this.

I'm watching. My interviews are MUCH better by the way. The best interviews. Nobody does TV like me.

Lord have mercy, he's sitting in Buckingham Palace. Why is he doing this from the PALACE?

I told him to do it somewhere neutral. A hotel. An office. He insisted on the Palace because he said it 'conveys authority.' Dear God.

Palace is a good move actually. Very classy. Not as nice as Mar-a-Lago but it's okay for what it is.

Oh no. She just asked about the photograph. He's making a face like a deer in headlights.

Hello everyone! I think it's going rather well so far. The interviewer is very nice. Mummy approved the whole thing.

ANDREW STOP TEXTING AND FOCUS ON THE INTERVIEW.

Right-o. Back in a tick.

Did he just... did he just say he went to Epstein's house to BREAK UP with him? Like it was a relationship? Who prepped this man?

This is the worst interview I've ever seen. And I've seen some BAD interviews. Not mine, mine are perfect, but this is a DISASTER.

He's bringing up the sweating. Oh no. He's actually claiming he can't sweat.

He can't SWEAT? That's his alibi? I've been a lawyer and a politician for 40 years and that's the single worst defense I have ever heard.

I've seen him sweat. Many times. He sweats A LOT actually. Probably the most sweating I've ever seen from a royal. Believe me.

He's now saying it was caused by an 'overdose of adrenaline' from being shot at in the Falklands. He was a HELICOPTER PILOT. He wasn't in ground combat.

Ghislaine, respectfully, did nobody run this man through a mock interview? Even a single practice question?

I offered. He said he didn't need practice because, and I quote, 'I've been doing public engagements since I was born.'

OH MY GOD he just said Pizza Express. He said he was at a PIZZA EXPRESS in WOKING. This is INCREDIBLE television.

Pizza Express in Woking. A prince of the United Kingdom. His alibi is a chain pizza restaurant in a commuter town. I cannot believe what I am watching.

He actually went to Pizza Express that day specifically to CREATE an alibi for the future. I'm just now realizing the full scale of this man's stupidity.

I would NEVER eat at Pizza Express. I only eat the best pizza. Trump Tower has the GREATEST pizza in New York. Everyone says so.

I'm back. How did I do? I thought the Pizza Express bit was rather clever. Very relatable. Man of the people.

Andrew.

Son.

Andy.

Why is everyone being monosyllabic? That's usually my thing.

Andrew, that was the worst television appearance in the history of the British monarchy, and your family once did a game show called 'It's a Royal Knockout.'

You said you stayed at a convicted sex offender's house because it was 'convenient.' A former President and a current Prince, and between us we have the survival instincts of a lemming.

I want everyone to know I barely knew Epstein. Barely. Maybe a photo or two. I wish him well but I DON'T KNOW HIM. My interview would have been PERFECT.

Well I thought it went swimmingly. Mummy hasn't called yet which I'm sure is a good sign. She's probably just busy with the corgis.